Get Out of Anything Free Card

I have found, through research, social interaction and reflection, that the best way to get out of anything; work, a party, dinner, slide shows, dates, meetings, conversation, breakups, etc. … diarrhea. Tell them you have diarrhea. No one wants to talk about it, and they definitely don’t want any more details. It works every time. I suppose saying anything awkward and conventionally embarrassing would work, this particular phrase just holds a warm place in my heart because it’s about as classy as one can get. Seriously, try it – just for *$hits* and giggles. Everyone in earshot will just go dead silent and you will rule the entire world.

Shart Crossing

Just so you know, I gave this advice during a staff meeting a few months ago when one of the executives said they didn’t want to meet with a troublesome client. The very next day someone on our staff called in with “incontinence”, and blamed some bad sausage balls. If he’d gone with strait up “diarrhea”, he wouldn’t have had to panic for a cause. (Who the hell is eating “sausage balls” on a Tuesday morning? Play it down, son!) Still, I felt proud, and he got the day off.

RIP ASS DAN

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