Captain, My Captain

The Adventures of Captain N-EO

One of my all-time favorite work partners-in-crime is “Captain Neo.” There are a bajillion funny stories we have about work because on any given day, Captain Neo and I would cause all kinds of crazy to ensue – or be caught laughing hysterically at the craziness that surrounded us. This is the tale of one such occasion.

My cubical was across from Andrew. Andrew was a quiet worker. One day a large cubical opened up and when I passed the opportunity to move into it, Andrew jumped at the chance. The new cubical was waaaaaay over in an isolated corner of the building, with barely any foot traffic. Andrew liked that he could be off in his own little cubby without the Jamboree Bear yammering on about his Chinese wife and affection for various cheeses 7 hours of the work day.

There is nothing but tumbleweeds in there.

Andrew probably didn’t mind being far away from Captain Neo and my antics either, but I digress. Anyhow, his former cubical was right in the line of a work crossroads. If you were coming to or from one department to another, you could see him – if you were coming from the bathroom, kitchen or copy room- you could see him. So, it didn’t take long for questions to start being whispered among the staff.

Psst “I think Andrew was fired… his cubical is empty” pssst “Did you hear about Andrew? He was let go…” psst…

Soon, a coworker, Kim pssted to Captain Neo via instant messenger: “Hey, what happened to Andrew?”

Captain Neo replied, “Oh that guy? You didn’t hear? He totally died.”

“WHAT?! That cannot be true!”

“But it IS true, Kim. It is true. Why would I joke about something like that?!”

“Oh my gosh, I’m shocked!”

*at this point Captain Neo runs to my desk and says “Kim is going to ask you about Andrew, I told her he died. DON”T EFF THIS UP FOR ME!”*

Soon there after Kim did im me: “Did you hear about Andrew?”

“Yeah, he’s in a better place now.”

“Like he moved?”

“Yes, to heaven – on a cloud.”

Casper the Friendly Co-Worker

It took a few hours but by lunch we convinced her that Andrew had passed into the great beyond. We then told Andrew that if he hears a rumor that he died, it was because of us. He found it pretty amusing.

Two days later, Kim was walking down the hall and Andrew popped out from a side door. Kim nearly shizzed herself. For a split second she thought she saw a ghost. When Kim came to yell at us and I nearly peed Captain Neo’s pants. It was THAT funny – mostly because we’d already forgotten about having told her he died in the first place.

Please note – Andrew is alive and well, as he’s always has been. However, Kim is still pissed.




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