My brain does not read things correctly

I have noticed that my over-active imagination will make anything into something amusing for me, all on its own accord. I know this because I am my brain’s slave and also because I often find myself doing odd things like re-reading lines of text or titles because I think:

“Whaaa? *giggles* Now, that just can’t be right…” *Re-reads.

It’s partly my fault because TV informercials have convinced me that I am a speed reader, and I often skim-read titles or the sort, resulting in A LOT of misinterpreted information. I’d say I have a strong 27% accuracy at speed reading. (BUT IT’S TOTALLY SELF TAUGHT! :cO ) Though, I can’t stop now because I am always entertained by the misinformation. I enjoy that fact that my brain has a good sense of humor, and spends it’s defragmenting time to make me read non-existent things, just to amuse me. Way to go, brain! *UP TOP!*

Things I have misread recently:

From The Daily Norm blog:

Vitamin D and Plenty

Simultaneous thought upon interpreting Latin to be “Plenty of Vitamin D” :  “Aw man! I love that Vitamin D song! *Sings in head* ‘As we goo on, we remember… we will all be, friends foreeeverrr…’ wait, why does this guy love Vitamin D so much?”

–> *scrolls back up to top of page.*

Also, my brain told me the logo on that blogs site consisted of two ghost ovaries. I’m fairly certain it does not.

From a trip to the gas station:

Budweiser Family Beers

I saw a sign hanging at a gas station near Disney World that read “BUDWEISER FAMILY BEER 2/$5″ similar to the one above. My thoughts were: ” A family beer? How big is that effin thing?! How do they know their kids are old enough to drink?! Is this a Disney thing? Who wants to slurp on multiple persons’ farty beer can?!” In that exact order. Upon glancing around the mini-mart and not finding any gigantic beers, I went back to read the sign again. Please note, this all happened in my brain much quicker than it did to write it out for you to read. Like, about 2 seconds of thought and result:

Oh, Biker… I’m an idiot.

Like, my brain PUNK’D the shit outta me. Oh brain, you are a cheeky monkey.

Socially Awkward Penguin

Gotta go. Brain wants rice crispy treat now. 😀

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