Don’t tread on me I.T.

So, my work computer crashed like the dickens. If I want to be honest they said the problem was “@ # 321_ CPU i4 robot DROID Q blah blah.” (That’s Nicole jargon for “I-didn’t- really-listen-to-what-they-said-because-it-was-nonsense-foreign-talk-to-me-and-I-was-thinking-about-cupcakes-instead”) *thought bubble*…mmm delicious cupcakes.

In said computer crash, I lost some information – mainly remote access properties, settings and the sort. Therefore, when I.T. told me to reset my work password, I was forced to ask for help:


(Please note my mastering of even the most primitive of emoticons. I went to college.)

Then, I.T. went all Nick Burns Computer Guy (“MOOOOVE!”) on me and wanted me to go to an internet meeting, so that they could take over my computer. I logged in. They immediately sent me an instant message, and I immediately replied:

I’m not your ho, I.T.! I’m classy ’cause I watch a crapload of VH1.

Eventually, I.T. wore me down and I gave them control of my computer. Probably because they rubbed my back ever so gently and told me I was pretty. In any case, it was magical. In order for I.T. to close out the work ticket, they have to hashtag an action response back to me via my initial email. And so they did, in a manner like they didn’t just get my new computer’s flower in what would be the best computing session of their lives:

You said I was special!

And so I responded:

Never let them see you cry.

Their lack of sensitivity made me feel less guilty about telling everyone they were giving away free Moon Pies when they moved a while back.

IT Request:

“Nicole, please make schematic map showing everyone where IT has moved to in the building.”

My reponse:

It’s schematically correct.

They were hoping for an actual schematic using the building layout, but beggars can’t be choosers and choosers want Moon Pie. Fact. Besides, if one can’t figure out how to get out of the lunchroom at work, and stop, one needs to have their brain evaluated.

“Oh, by the way, YOU’RE WELCOMEEEE!”


Nick Burns

(FYI – they did end up buying a shit-ton of Moon Pies to supply the masses with after having emailed the “map” to 300+ workers.)

THAT’S RIGHT, BOIIIII! Makin’ it rain <Moon Pie> up in this bish!!!! #OprahWinfreyTaughtMeHowToUseTheSecret


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