We got a new co-worker this week. His name is Randall. Randall likes to listen to his music super loud, like we all subscribe to his iPod. Normally, I would just ignore something like this – but today it reached a whole new level of loud and time endurance – so I messaged my bcw4e (best co-worker forever), Penny.
Penny was out at a meeting, thus missing the Randall party shuffle so I sent the following to her in response to her inquiry about the level of loudness:
Randall managed to hit the pause button whenever he got a call. When he did, I just sang whatever lyrics came to mind in my best voice impression of no one:
Randall didn’t give a shit. He kept on keeping on. So I was forced to do this:
That’s right, I Grobaned him. (I was mouthing the words “OH LOOK AT ME” as I imagined myself making it to the top of a mountain singing “You raise me up” into a 360 helicopter camera shot a la Bon Jovi in Blaze of Glory, but I digress.) Randall got really quiet after this, so now I know religion makes him nervous. Which is why I will spend the rest of the week convincing him that I am completely over the moon religious. I have chosen to go with that snake dancing religion. I’m going to call it “Onomonopianist” because I don’t know what the real religion is, and I wouldn’t want to offend anyone with my lack of knowledge about their life path. I started the plan immediately – when my other co-worker asked what I was doing after work, I announced “GOING HOME TO TALK TO JESUS ABOUT MY DREAMS- that Groban really got me thinking, ya know?!” They knew I was up to no good (and joking). However, Randall did not.
Check and mate, Randall. #YOU-WILL-NOT-BREAK-ME-BECAUSE-I-AM-A-WILD-PONY!
Since I imagine me and bcw4e Penny, and bcw4e#2 will have many interactions that I post about here, I would like to take a moment to introduce you: