Epcot is 30!


As many of you know, yesterday I relieved myself of my duties at the shit factory place of employment. (I still feel good about it, so I would say I did the right thing.) How does one deal with the self loathing and guilt that ultimately comes from losing one’s job? Why, by putting on your happy pants and going to Disney World, that’s how! Note: by “self loathing and guilt” I mean “fits of giggles and the taste of sweet, sweet freedom.”

Smith found out that Epcot turned 30 yesterday, and that there were magical celebrations planned! So we high tailed it down to the Mouse House and spent the afternoon riding things, fielding the flood of calls from shocked co-workers and acquaintances, and laughing at a lot of nothings. The first of the laughable nothings happened in Norway at the Epcot World Showcase, where this was happening, despite the signs. In fact, right next to the signs:

Strollers gonna stroll, son!

There were a lot of additional signs in Norway that mentioned Fjording. (One is in the background of that photo.) I’m not even positive what fording means to a Norwegian, but judging by the amount of things it’s written on, it seems important. Regardless, “fjording” made Smith and I giggle like  a couple of bitches. Mainly because we used “fjord” to replace various words like “fart” in our conversation, as is evident by the new FU product below:

Who effing Fjorded?! Click to see in the FU merch shoppe!

It might be a “you had to be there” funniness, but I made the shirt anyways because I think everyone can find some kind of humor in a good fjording reference.

I waited in line at Mission to Mars with Smith, but decided not to ride it because I wanted to not go to heaven via an amusement park ride. I mean, I’m just not willing to skip seeing the iPhone 6 to ride that shiz.

Apparently, nothing says “space” like a bunch of big balls.

Speaking of balls, it was hot as balls out. Well, not really hot as balls… humid as balls is what I should say. Do balls get humid? I imagine with the constant pants darkness and friction that they do. (I will assume your silence is confirmation of my theory.) Anyways, I was glad for the sun to get the eff outta here.

Come to the dark side, we have cookies.

The Food and Wine festival had just started and I was able to trick Smith into eating fake beef at the Terra stand. He seemed to enjoy it while I ate my gyro. Oh delicious gyros, why can’t I quit you?

As usual, Illuminations, the fireworks display on the World Showcase lagoon, started promptly at 9. It was beautiful. We watched near Canada, which I think will always be one of our favorite places to watch the show.


Because of the birthday, they started a second fireworks display right after Illuminations. It was like 20 minutes of awe and shock, due to the sheer number of explosions. At one point I lost my balance from the force/fear of the explosions and thought “holy shit, has this thing just lost control?”

Say whaaaaaaat?

But it hadn’t lost control. It had just made me its bitch, and I was covered in the ash to prove it. I don’t know if Disney will be doing this celebratory display throughout the week – but it would definitely be worth stopping by just in case!


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