Healthy Holiday Trash Cookies

Super Easy Holiday Trash Cookies

Mmm looks so guuud.

Step 1 – FInd a recipe for easy, healthy, holiday sugar cookies.

Step 2- Go to store and gather ingredients. Make sure store is unexpectedly packed with batshit crazy Thursday afternoon shoppers so that it’s a super easy experience all together. Also, be sure that you get forced to purchase more quantity of individual ingredients than you will ever need or use.

That is some bullshit.

That is some bullshit.

Step 3- Go home and tediously prepare the cookies per the instructions as you destroy what used to be your kitchen.

Where's that penny...

Where’s that old rusty penny that was just here a second ago…

Step 4- Begin to panic when nothing is turning out as pictured. Use every utensil you can find to stir something, anything. Be sure to dirty every dish, even if only by accidentally touching them with your creep melty dough strong hands.

Ah shit.

Ah shit.

Step 5- Bake* two batches of healthy holiday shit taco trash cookies. Let cool. Test their alternative use as a mouse pad. Contemplate their existence as a dog treat. Make Smith taste them. Realize how much you love Smith when he **coughs** and offers, “Hey! The texture is odd but it tastes real good, babe! Good job!”

Step 6- Give up when you realize that for the most part, you hate baking. Dump evidence of your baking endeavors into the trash. Plan to tell people you didn’t answer the phone for four hours because you were out planting something in the ground somewhere. There you have it, easy, healthy holiday trash cookies. Serves 15.

Trash cookies

“Trash cookies are so delicious, and good for you too!” Says homeless dog

*In low altitudes: Rely on Christmas cookies from your kick ass neighbors (Who own their own catering bakery.) If you don’t know what went into making said cookies, you can assume they were only made with love as the main ingredient. Love is fat free and low carb.

Merry-effing Christmas you non-bakers!

Merry-effing Christmas you non-bakers!


Resolve to only bake healthy cupcakes in the future. It’s your role and you know it.

Mmmm shit tacos....

Mmmm shit tacos….


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