How to Tie a Tie – In 5 Easy-NEVER

Any other girls ever curious about how to tie a tie? As a child, I was always fascinated watching my Dad magically turn a piece of oddly shaped cloth into a beautifully tied knot. I think because my Dad was a business man and not really the creative type – so seeing him whip the loose ends of the tie around so purposefully and artistically made me think he was some kind of secret artist I’d never heard of. (Because he was secret, you see.) You’d think with that much fascination that I would have been tying ties all my life like a mullafugga, right? Wrong. Tie knot instructions are lost on me. Let me take you through learning to tie a tie with me in “five easy steps.”

STEP ONE: “Cross the wide end over the narrow, then slip the wide end up between the tie and the collar, then simply drop it back down.”

My reaction to step one: I’m excited! —> “Oh yeah! I always wanted to do this… like professionally! Here’s my chance! Okay, concentrate!”

STEP TWO: “Wrap the wide end behind the narrow end from right to left.”

My thoughts: “Hmm I’ll read a few more steps and then find me a tie! Yes! This is gonna be awesome! I’ll be tying everyone’s ties! They will know me and my tie knots throughout the land! Gasp, maybe I’ll even invent a knot! HOLY CRAP!…”

STEP THREE: “Bring the wide end in front and over the loop between the collar and tie.”

My thoughts: “Eff this, I’m out.”

Then I go eat a bunch of chocolate and contemplate my life choices.

Not even sorry.

Luckily Smith can tie his own, or I can tie him a nice bow-like tie, as if it was intended for a present – which could totally work around the holidays.

Can you tie a tie? THEN SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE!

😉

Cordially Yours,

FU

If you’d like to learn to tie a tie, try Esquire (5 steps, in images like above).

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Thankful Thursdays!

Today, I am thankful for…

Letting that crazy colored school bus out in front of me.

Sir Gus. He's just that royal.

Sir Gus. He’s just that royal.

And yes, he’s totally a real-azz camel hanging out of the emergency exit on a moving school bus. You can’t tell that camel what to do!

Also thankful for…

Having pets that seem to enjoy dressing up for Halloween. Or at least, don’t eat my face off when I approach them with something strange that I then put on their body.

Howdy, m'am. There will surely be shit in your shoes in the AM for this.

Howdy, m’am. There will surely be shit in your shoes in the AM for this.

SherrifZ

Come on, he totally looks like he’s enjoying this!

 

Having gotten to see Sigur Ros and Nine Inch Nails mere weeks apart!

Sigur rocked my non-existent balls off.

Sigur rocked my non-existent balls off.

 

NIN!

NIN!

Speaking of NIN – did I ever tell you that I made my mom go see them? She was talked into seeing Marilyn Manson with a group of co-workers and had “a lovely time” so I thought well, NIN she ought to “love to pieces” then, right? She’ll be cross stitching “NIN” on everything in no time, right?! Wrong. It changed her. It also made her expect larger gifts from me at Christmas. Additionally, she’s now convinced that Trent Reznor has a chain of hidden cameras mounted in public restrooms across the continental United States, and that said public restrooms have now become a “hip place where everyone is humping.” No amount of explaining could convince her otherwise.

I’m also thankful for this meme texted to me as it related to conversation from Penny:

Stuffed Crust Pizza

Stuffed Crust Pizza

And for our mutual friend, Ernie thinking that “sleeping in” is defined by being able to meet and coordinate a group outing 40 minutes away at 11:00 in the morning:

(We asked if we could have nachos, but Ernie had her own agenda.)

(We asked if we could have nachos, but apparently Ernie had her own agenda.)

Happy Thankful Thursdays y’all! Now get out there and be somebody!