How to Tie a Tie – In 5 Easy-NEVER

Any other girls ever curious about how to tie a tie? As a child, I was always fascinated watching my Dad magically turn a piece of oddly shaped cloth into a beautifully tied knot. I think because my Dad was a business man and not really the creative type – so seeing him whip the loose ends of the tie around so purposefully and artistically made me think he was some kind of secret artist I’d never heard of. (Because he was secret, you see.) You’d think with that much fascination that I would have been tying ties all my life like a mullafugga, right? Wrong. Tie knot instructions are lost on me. Let me take you through learning to tie a tie with me in “five easy steps.”

STEP ONE: “Cross the wide end over the narrow, then slip the wide end up between the tie and the collar, then simply drop it back down.”

My reaction to step one: I’m excited! —> “Oh yeah! I always wanted to do this… like professionally! Here’s my chance! Okay, concentrate!”

STEP TWO: “Wrap the wide end behind the narrow end from right to left.”

My thoughts: “Hmm I’ll read a few more steps and then find me a tie! Yes! This is gonna be awesome! I’ll be tying everyone’s ties! They will know me and my tie knots throughout the land! Gasp, maybe I’ll even invent a knot! HOLY CRAP!…”

STEP THREE: “Bring the wide end in front and over the loop between the collar and tie.”

My thoughts: “Eff this, I’m out.”

Then I go eat a bunch of chocolate and contemplate my life choices.

Not even sorry.

Luckily Smith can tie his own, or I can tie him a nice bow-like tie, as if it was intended for a present – which could totally work around the holidays.

Can you tie a tie? THEN SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE!

😉

Cordially Yours,

FU

If you’d like to learn to tie a tie, try Esquire (5 steps, in images like above).

I PityDaFoo’ Who Steals My Amy’s Bowl!

Someone has been stealing frozen lunches from the community fridge in the break room at work. Whoever it is knows they are stealing too – because everyone writes their names on their food. I haven’t felt the wrath yet. I would like to believe it is for one of two reasons; A. Because I am too awesome to want to steal anything from -OR- B. Because upon hearing of the missing food antics – I began to leave messages for the thief:

 “Your daily horoscope: 1. Eat Bowl: I will cut yew | 2. Don’t Eat Bowl: Live FOREVER! 🙂 N “

“You will want to keep this frozen for your black eye. ❤ Nicole”

” (You don’t want this to be your last meal, now do you? 🙂 Love, Nicole )”

“I will cut yew – and then I will giggle. xoxo”

You have been warned.

I pity da fool who steals my Amy’s!