Party ’til your butt blows!

So I had a fantastical birthday celebration that started out with Smith giving me this lil beauty right here:


AH YEAH! It’s red cause I gots street skillz.

THEN as if that wasn’t enough, Smith whisked me away to Savannah, GA for a long weekend retreat with friends.

This is where we stayed on Jones Street

This is where we stayed on Jones Street

Savannah is awesome – it’s old and historically eerie, and we like to do super nerd things there like go on trolley tours, or run an app in your car tours. Here’s some of my limited retention recall of historical facts I learned about Savannah:

1. This is the home of the Girl Scouts! I was a Girl Scout! Juliette Gordon Low got it done!

The original Girl Scout headquarters!

The original Girl Scout headquarters!

2. Jingle Bells was written in a church there in the 1800’s. Can you believe that shit? WE STILL KNOW THAT DAMN SONG, SON! That dude was a genius.

3. They had mullafuggin pirates that would get townspeople drunk and then smuggle them down to the river through underground caves – THAT STILL EXIST! Why wouldn’t Johnny Depp have taught me about this yet?!

The Pirate House Restaurant; turn left at the corn fritters and straight on til morning!

4. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil was filmed there. Here’s his house!

Jude Law, Kevin Spacey, John Cusack... damn, son!

Jude Law, Kevin Spacey, John Cusack… damn, son!

5. It’s sweltering as balls in Savannah. Literally. I pulled down my weather map while I was there and it said Humidity – 87%. EIGHTY SEVEN PERCENT! I didn’t even know that shit could go that high! Go home Savannah, you’re drunk!

Schwetty Balls

Schwetty Balls

6. Speaking of drunk, Savannah is one of the few towns where it’s legal to walk around with open containers of alcohol. Like, you can get to-go cups at restaurants. It’s bizarre! They even have a store that sells travel growlers. If you don’t know what a growler is – it’s basically a supped up forty.




We enjoyed plenty of those – so much so that the dude at the growler store thought we were locals and gave us our fifteenth growler free card. That’s right, fifteenth. In my defense, my growler contributions were root beer. Delicous on-tap root beer.

And speaking of root beer – I had hard root beer for the first time in Savannah and it is magically delicious.

I drank these until I peed root beer.

I drank these until I peed root beer.

It was a great few days – we walked, and drank things, and ate things, and walked some more, and sweat my non-existent balls off, and it was all fun and games until I got food poisoning and threw up out of my butt, and my mouth… which made for an interesting four-hour ride home.



It’s quite funny now but at the time I thought I was dying. I left little pieces of me all over Georgia that day. In the Burger King, in the Dairy Queen, on the freeway… everywhere. When I woke up a day later from the ordeal I realized I was wearing the same shirt and socks I rode home in but I was sans pants. Which is not like me, I mean I have pajamas – I’m not an animal! I still have no idea where my pants went, but I do remember some strange looks when Smith and I were packing the car. Anyhoo, here are some other pics of Savannah! 😀

bundts candy fork horses sixpence street trees uniCORN vespa

skinny slush


Voicemail: Steak and Eggs and Reba Part 2

As many of my friends (or my station wagon full of blog followers – up top! *high fives*) know, earlier this week I posted an actual voicemail left on my work’s answering machine. I will cherish it all of the days of my life. Leaving it as just audio on YouTube didn’t seem to do it justice, even though it still makes me laugh 3 days later. SO, my Lovah (his brains are way huge) has helped me to make it Sundance-worthy! I have reenacted it at the link above using Reba, Live! and Reba, Country Superstar-featured in a Forever Lazy.

Enjoy and go balls out sharing it with whomever you please!

Peace, Love & Reba


Voicemail : You want some eggs? Part 1

So today I was greeted with this little gem. I could not have asked for a better Monday morning!

This is an actual message, left on my work’s answering machine. I have cut the first half of it off because it was just a typical work-related message, and contained personal information. That’s the only tampering I did. The recording picks up right where the funny part begins. It made me laugh so hard that I almost threw up, “In my pants.” (Rock of Ages reference there, but I digress.)

To explain what’s happening in the message: I think they must live in the same house because one picks up the phone while the other is leaving the voice mail. It instantly gave me flashbacks of being in school and talking to a boy or someone and your mom or siblings pick up the phone. Only, they didn’t seem to mind at all.

The only way I could think to share it on here was via youtube, there’s no video, just audio. I found, having listened to this 300 times today, that it’s best to listen to it with headphones so that you can hear exactly what they are saying to one another.

*Just listened to it again for the 301st time*

BAHAHAH OMG I think my favorite part is the:

“You want some eggs?”

“Well, if you make ’em lemme know REAL fast…”

“Oh gawd, I think I’m gonna puke…”

I hope this is how my best friend and I will be in the years to come… if we aren’t this way already!  I bet these two are a hoot to be around. Regardless, they MADE MY DAY! I just hope they feel better real soon.

Happy Monday Everyone!