CHEF starring Jon Favreau

Chef!

I went to see the movie CHEF today, starring the lovable Jon Favreau. Usually when you see a movie with a SHIT-TON of stars on the roster, it’s sure to suck the butt- need I mention the trauma I endured for having over-expected delivery for the flick Valentine’s Day? It’s my own damn fault, but still! CHEF, however, did NOT suck the butt. It didn’t suck the anything- unless there’s some metaphor for sucking something that’s a good context. (Eaaasy.) CHEF was quite fun. It was a slice of life for anyone that’s ever been passionate about anything, lost their path, found it again, been on top, dreamed new dreams… seriously, it was endearing and funny and overall very entertaining!

Without giving any spoilers basically Jon Favreau plays a talented Chef (his roots are in creating edgy cuisine) who’s stuck in a rut of being forced to go against his gut. He has haters and believers, and John Leguizamo plays a funny supportive sidekick to The Chef. It’s worth noting that you could literally hear people’s balls dropping when Robert Downey Jr showed up. (My balls dropped too, and I’m a chick so how the hell did he do that and where are my balls now?!)

I AM IRON BALLZ!

A word of caution: this movie is Food Porn. I had heard of food porn before, I thought I had seen food porn at one point or another- ya know, like maybe in college or something when I was young and impressionable. But I, in fact, now realize I had never seen ACTUAL food porn until this movie. I’m not really a “foodie,” so it made me feel dirty. It wasn’t even run of the mill Facebook status food porn, it was full on HARD-CORE-Don’t-Look-it-in-the-Eye-or-You’ll-Turn-to-Stone Food Porn. I am telling you this because I totally saw a hashbrown’s vagina, the d!ck of some mojo pork, countless sandwich boobies, and a whole orgy of side ingredients. You won’t understand any of this until you see the movie, then you’ll be like “THAT IS A HASHBROWN’S VAGINA! SHE WAS TOTALLY RIGHT!”

ACK! It’s so moist!

By the way, that hashbrown vagina looked at me like she knew me, then I had a flashback to my mother playing hopscotch in the third grade, and that shit is IMPOSSIBLE so you do the math. Personally, I could have done without ALL the hard core food porn, but the movie IS called Chef, after all. My lover, Smith, and my friend, Mary Tyler Moore2 were quite vocal about wanting to eat all. of. the. things., so I believe the graphic action will satisfy the foodies out there.

If you like independent type movie stories, and would like to see a boat load of celebrities not sucking, go see CHEF- you’ll love it!

HERE’s THE TRAILER!

On Facebook: Chef The Film

 

A Unicorn Haul

Excuse my absence as I have been celebrating my birthday like a mullafugga. This story isn’t particularly “funny” but it is self-gratifying because it is mostly about me and cake. Yep, that’s right, my birthday happened – people were flying in to visit, cupcakes were consumed, and the gifts… oh the gifts… yeah we’re gonna talk about this.

To kick off the birthday celebrations my lovely took me to ol’ Disney World, and got us the game of LIFE, Disney’s Haunted Mansion edition. Let me tell you, they had me at tiny houses and hitchhiking ghosts! Of course, I have gone on to lose 4 out of the 5 times we’ve played, but I recommend it because I like rainbow spiny wheels. I think I could master this shiz if I could stop randomly picking the role of Maid every time, from a freshly shuffled deck no less, but I digress.

Life: Disney’s Haunted Mansion style

My best friend sent me a unicorn pillow pet “Dream Lite” – DID YOU HEAR THAT?! As seen on tv, bitchez!!! Oddly, every time the commercial was on I would exclaim “THERE’S NO WAY THAT THING DOES THAT! I DECLARE PILLOW LIGHT BULLSHIZ ON THIS!” To which my lovah would say, “Aww baby, do you want that?” Damn it if he doest know my inner monologue “YES I FUGGIN WANT THAT!” Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised at it’s rockin’ status! It lights up the ceiling of my adult vaulted ceiling bedroom like the dickens with stars, moons and unicorn head (there’s only one – not uniporn or anything)! It’s cute too! If you have kids or child-like totally normal adult friends like me, you should buy this for them!

My brother insists that his horn is a penis.

A related tidbit: The Dream Lite arrived in a “Babies R Us” package on my doorstep. Initially, I assumed it was something I had purchased for Penny’s new baby but I popped the lid and was like “AH SNAP THIS SHIT IS MINE, I’M KING OF THE WORLD!” as I hoisted the package over my head – which made my boyfriend, Smith, giggle pretty good.

My aunt and uncle flew in to spend the week with us. It ended up being a food tour, and we ate everything that ever existed, in every nation. I don’t believe my uncle has gone on “vacation” since 1996 – but I think he will be back, because he enjoyed Benihana of Tokyo, Raglan Road’s bread pudding, and sleeping in our pool everyday for 2-12 hours.

THIS UNCLE JUST GOT OWNED, SON!

I found this shirt at Wally World, and gave it to myself. It still counts as a bday gift ’cause it was on my bday and it’s awesome.

Honey Badger don’t give a shit. Click me to see why this is funny. Also, get out from under your rock.

I wore it to Epcot. We ate in Morocco and the servers kept asking me about it:

Server #1: “You like the honey, yes? Honey is good.”

Me: “Well, yes I like honey, but this is the Honey Badger, do you know him?”

Server #1 as #2 joins in: “Honey badger love the honey too, yes? Honey is good. The honey is, yes. He is right.”

Me: “Well, I don’t know if he eats honey, but do you know YouTube?”

Server #1,#2 and #3 onlooking: “You too? Yes, I love the honey.”

Me: “No, YOU TUBE? Honey Badger is a video on there… look it up, it’s funny”

Server # 3 “OH, yes! You Tube Honey Badger make GRRROWL GROOWL I LOVE THE HONEY!” *Makes claw hands in scratchy motion* as Server #1 and #2 enthusiastically await my reaction

My reaction =

@_@ ?

Server #2 hands me taziki as peace offering, or because he felt we bonded about the honey thing…

Anyhoo, here are some other random photos of my life without you:

Best boyfriend and birthday celebration vacation, ever!

In other news, does anyone have any idea what the eff is happening in this commercial? I saw it 40 million times over vacation and I still don’t get it.

Good to be back! Hollah at cha boy dot com! ❤