CHEF starring Jon Favreau

Chef!

I went to see the movie CHEF today, starring the lovable Jon Favreau. Usually when you see a movie with a SHIT-TON of stars on the roster, it’s sure to suck the butt- need I mention the trauma I endured for having over-expected delivery for the flick Valentine’s Day? It’s my own damn fault, but still! CHEF, however, did NOT suck the butt. It didn’t suck the anything- unless there’s some metaphor for sucking something that’s a good context. (Eaaasy.) CHEF was quite fun. It was a slice of life for anyone that’s ever been passionate about anything, lost their path, found it again, been on top, dreamed new dreams… seriously, it was endearing and funny and overall very entertaining!

Without giving any spoilers basically Jon Favreau plays a talented Chef (his roots are in creating edgy cuisine) who’s stuck in a rut of being forced to go against his gut. He has haters and believers, and John Leguizamo plays a funny supportive sidekick to The Chef. It’s worth noting that you could literally hear people’s balls dropping when Robert Downey Jr showed up. (My balls dropped too, and I’m a chick so how the hell did he do that and where are my balls now?!)

I AM IRON BALLZ!

A word of caution: this movie is Food Porn. I had heard of food porn before, I thought I had seen food porn at one point or another- ya know, like maybe in college or something when I was young and impressionable. But I, in fact, now realize I had never seen ACTUAL food porn until this movie. I’m not really a “foodie,” so it made me feel dirty. It wasn’t even run of the mill Facebook status food porn, it was full on HARD-CORE-Don’t-Look-it-in-the-Eye-or-You’ll-Turn-to-Stone Food Porn. I am telling you this because I totally saw a hashbrown’s vagina, the d!ck of some mojo pork, countless sandwich boobies, and a whole orgy of side ingredients. You won’t understand any of this until you see the movie, then you’ll be like “THAT IS A HASHBROWN’S VAGINA! SHE WAS TOTALLY RIGHT!”

ACK! It’s so moist!

By the way, that hashbrown vagina looked at me like she knew me, then I had a flashback to my mother playing hopscotch in the third grade, and that shit is IMPOSSIBLE so you do the math. Personally, I could have done without ALL the hard core food porn, but the movie IS called Chef, after all. My lover, Smith, and my friend, Mary Tyler Moore2 were quite vocal about wanting to eat all. of. the. things., so I believe the graphic action will satisfy the foodies out there.

If you like independent type movie stories, and would like to see a boat load of celebrities not sucking, go see CHEF- you’ll love it!

HERE’s THE TRAILER!

On Facebook: Chef The Film