Jimmy Fallon came to Orlando, and it turned all Games of Thrones here in the City Beautiful. Alliances were made, bitchez were cut, someone showed their boobs – you get the idea. The Tonight Show mentioned tickets, and then all hell broke loose to get them. So much so, that I think we crashed their website because tickets went live, then went down and then went live again. Personally, I like to think that I was the one messing it all up because I was routed into EVERYwhere on every kind of device with wifi that I owned, hard core stalking for them tickets. Picture Seth Green in The Italian Job, that was me. Of all the Facebook talk about it- there were only about 4 of us that actually got tickets, and all 4 days of the show were sold out within 5 minutes of the launch- with a technical glitch on one of the sites lasting about 2 minutes, so yeah. I was excited! We secured 3 tickets so Smith and I could take our friend for her belated birthday. We chose the last day of filming because I thought it would likely be the most exciting.
When I found out Michelle took her Crazy Legs to the show a couple of days before, I hit her up for some tricks of the trade she learned on the road. “Bring and umbrella and sunblock for the ginger <because he will die otherwise>,” she said. She was right, had we not brought an umbrella, Smith AND I would have bursted into a star and gone to live among the Great Bear and the Seven Stars constellation. When I pulled my magical umbrella out, you could hear people lusting to partake in my giant gerber daisy of shade- and I shared it (yeah, you shade thieves were all up on me… not too smooth with your shade stealing efforts, peeps. You need to watch The Italian Job.) But oh em gee – I can hardly blame them because in that sun, on a blacktop back lot, it was blistering without it! To make it extra uncomfortable for those without water or umbrellas (I was golden in this case because Smith spoils me), they unplugged all the giant fans. It felt like Universal was doing their own Divergent type of mind control training course back there. I was relatively comfortable and still was sweating from my elbows, so I can’t imagine how other people felt.
When The Tonight Show invites you to their show, Universal just decides to take over your whole damn day.
“Oh you want to see the show? Start sweating in your buttcrack and we’ll talk, Buddy.”
We had to be in line to retrieve our tickets from will call at 10, then after getting the tickets we had to be back in line by 3, show starts at 5, then after the taping we had to be at the concert venue by 8. So while we were at Universal, we couldn’t really do anything without it running into some time we had to be in line for something to do with the show. Let’s put it this way, when I left my house in the AM I was presentable, but when we started taping I looked like the toppins bird lady from Mary Poppins- and I was one of the comfortable ones! A dude with dreads in front of us lifted his arm at one point and the smell almost made Smith crap his pants, and that chain of events doesn’t even make sense. DIVERGENT!
Jimmy was flawless and so funny. The Roots are amazing, but you already knew that. Paula mentioned that the Wednesday taping wasn’t that great – but ours was really funny, fun and Jimmy didn’t do any retakes, so smooth – it was literally like watching the show on tv, only really loud and with other people’s body odors that make your colon malfunction. I spent my time with Jimmy doing the robot when the crane cameras swept around.
“The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon in LOUD AZZ SMELL-O-VISION!”
Our guests were George Lopez and
Pit Bull Pitbull, which at first I was like “Meh” as I’m not an actual fan of either of the guests- but honestly, George was really funny and Pitbull’s concert with The Roots as the band was AMAZEBALLZ. The show was a good time! I prayed Jimmy would go Oprah on us and just start popping off cars or trips to Australia, but he didn’t. We had special treatment so they let us into the concert venue before they opened it to the park, at which point it got REAL crazy out there. I had to push a drunk woman off of me using only her boobs. She got aggressive trying to drop elbows and steamroll me out of the way with those puppies (even though she had no wrist band and therefore shouldn’t have been up there anyhow) so I was forced to grab them padded c’s and force her back from whence she came. It was just as awkward and amusing as it sounds.